Who is Your Tribe?

Let’s face it, we’re tribal beings. Our bodies, brains, minds and psyches evolved in tribes. We are hard-wired to feel safe in our tribe, to be comfortable in our tribe. We understand our tribe. We look to our tribe for support. We will do whatever is needed to support others in our tribe. We value our tribe and think it is the best one. We will fight to defend our tribe.

Not-tribe is suspect. We don’t trust it, we don’t understand it as well. We often fight most vehemently with our neighboring tribes. When you are out of your tribe, you have to be on guard, wary, vigilant.

Even in today’s large, diverse urban environments, we still live tribally. We find our niches, our circle of friends, our neighborhood. We might be in several tribes at once, like circles on a Venn diagram. But however you do it, and whether or not you know it, where you draw the line between your tribe and all that is your not-tribe determines much of your life.

Is your tribe people in your immediate family? In your extended family? Those who hold your same beliefs? Practice your same religion? People in your town? People with your skin color? Your tribal boundaries and the characteristics of your tribe determine much of how you see the world, what you value, what you will defend, and how you interpret the actions of others.

In my patients, I observe that one common consequence of them doing their healing personal growth work is that their tribal boundaries push out further and further into the world. The range of ideas that they can consider increases; the range of emotions they can feel and be fully present with increases; their tribe becomes larger and more diversified. Teaching tolerance is really about enlarging your tribe.

What tribes do you belong to? Where are their boundaries? How large and diverse can you make them? Imagine if you could make your tribe be the entire planet. If a significant number of us can pull this off, we could create world peace.

So, keep doing your healing work. Explore your tribal boundaries: what qualities of people help you feel comfortable? Which ones bring up uncomfortable feelings? That we evolved certain traits and characteristics, like tribalism, is unavoidable. Our challenge now is to use our hearts and reasoning to find the gifts in these traits and use them for our highest good. Find out who you really are in your heart of hearts, behind the veil of illusion, as your highest truest self. Practice the Seven Tools of Healing.